So, what are limiting beliefs?
Limiting beliefs influence how you make decisions, interpret situations, and how you interact in life.
These beliefs have been accumulated throughout our life from a variety of places. Have you ever noticed that you always seem to get the same results no matter what you do? It’s very possible that you have a belief that is sabotaging your actions.
These beliefs and what you might call foundations in which you interact with your world. For example, when you are in a new environment, you rely on the information that you have accumulated whether it is true or not. Let’s say you are invited to a social event where there will be drinking. Based on what you have been taught, you may be leery about going because alcohol will be served there, or you may be excited because it might indicate to you that you will have fun. Either reaction is based on beliefs which limit how you will interpret and perceive the event.
How you interpret your situations, make decisions, and react to different circumstances is influenced by your thoughts and ideas, that have primarily been accumulated through life’s experiences, education, and culture. These beliefs can confine and limit your understanding of your situation and are often called limiting beliefs because they:
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- Limit your actions,
- Limit how you see the world and
- Limit your potential for happiness.
To help understand how a limiting belief influences you and comes about, think about a dog that is “crate trained” to sleep in the crate. This method can create a sense of security for the dog. The dog may go there when feeling anxious or when it wants to sleep. After some time, the dog will not need to be told to go into the crate. The dog will automatically go in there, even though the dog is safe sleeping elsewhere. Unless shown otherwise, the dog feels most secure sleeping in a crate. A limiting belief was formed for the dog “that it is safest to sleep in a crate.”
Training is just one of the ways we can acquire limiting beliefs. Other ways we develop these limiting beliefs come from people, education, and the cultures you are raised in.
Are you aware that the beliefs you acquire from different cultures can wreak havoc in your life? They can distort your perception of the world and influence how you interpret messages that you receive from the universe. Sometimes opportunities are lost because of these beliefs.
Cultures impact us in the following ways. It is not all-inclusive but where many limiting beliefs come from:
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- by creating feelings of being less than, when you feel different or disagree with the culture
- by placing an emphasis on following strict values, which can limit your thoughts and actions in critical situations.
Cultural beliefs and values are interesting as they primarily come from the people you identify with. For example, there was the “hippie” generation which focused primarily on love and peace. Today the ‘millennials” are confident and achievement-oriented. Each of these generations may influence the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs you might have. What beliefs do you have from your generation?
Another culture, which you may not consider is living in rural communities vs. city dwellers. If you are from a rural area, you may have obtained some beliefs about living in the city, and city dwellers may have beliefs about living in the country. Where were you raised? What influences or beliefs did you acquire?
I would like to share my beliefs about rural communities before I moved to one recently. In the past, I would not have even considered the move. I had beliefs that it would have limited opportunities in my career and also felt that it would have limited my life. I’m sure this came from always living in a city. With the current move, I have discovered quite the opposite to be true. My life has been enriched by the friendliness of a small community, the wildlife and the many adventures we have taken. I now see that there were many opportunities I may have missed by not living in a rural area! What about you? What beliefs do you have?
Another example of cultural influence is when we look at families. One culture may place a great emphasis on family, especially the elders, while another culture may value the young and place more importance on the individual. Neither is right or wrong, but they both influence how you think the world should operate. What is the American influence on? Individuals? Families? Group? What did your family focus on?
The above are just a few of the cultural influences that shape our beliefs and our lives.
The problem that occurs in cultures is when you feel different from the group. This can make you feel “less than” others or feel that you don’t fit in. This is where limiting beliefs can originate. For example, beliefs such as “I’m different, therefore something must be wrong”, “I’m not good enough” (otherwise I would be like the others). Cultures can also instill fear when your ideas are different from theirs. Ideas that differ must be “bad,” “wrong” or “evil.” This too can create a limiting belief.
When living within a culture, you might fit part of it, but other parts may not resonate with you. It’s these elements, that can make you feel inferior, or left out. This in turn can create some of your limiting beliefs, and adversely affect your ideas about who you are. Take a look at any of your feelings of inadequacy, and see whether those feelings are true. I’ll bet when it is looked at objectively, you’ll find that they are not true.
Some of the feelings of being different may create beliefs such as “I am flawed in some way,” “others can do it better than me” or “something is wrong with me” to name a few when our feelings of being “different” set in.
Values such as loyalty, honesty, and responsibility can become limiting beliefs when they are strictly adhered to. These may seem like very good traits to have and they are, but they can also impact you negatively.
Take, for example, loyalty. It is defined as giving firm and consistent support to someone or something. Generally speaking, loyalty is good for many reasons, but when strictly followed it can limit your actions and your thoughts.
For example, I am very loyal to people and companies. When I was employed, I had a boss who I was very supportive of and respected. My boss had asked me to support the dismissal of an employee. It did not make sense to me, yet because of my loyalty to him, I seriously considered the dismissal. I was not in favor of it, but because I trusted him more than I did myself, I agreed with it. Fortunately, the decision was postponed and we soon came to realize that it would not have been wise. This employee turned out to be one of our best employees.
To discover whether a long-term loyalty or other value, is appropriate for a situation, look to your feelings, trust yourself, and find the courage to take appropriate action.
What can you do when you discover a limiting belief? Here are a few things that can help you when you discover a limiting belief.
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- Listen to your thoughts and recognize when you are devaluing yourself.
- Decide that you are worthwhile, discover what makes you unique and accept who you are.
- Deprogram the belief. Identify where it came from and what the belief is. In a short meditation:
- Say “No” to where it came from.
- Say “No” to the limiting belief
- Ask that it be transformed into harmony.
- Embrace your uniqueness—your talents, your gifts, your nature!
Featured image picture by Carlos DeToro from Unsplash.com
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Posted: September 15, 2020 by Joan Spencer
8 Benefits of Kindness & Helping Others
At this time in the world where there is a lot of uncertainty, being kind and considerate of others is very important. When you can lend a helping hand to someone, it can ease anxiety and worry, creating a better place for everyone.
Do you remember a situation when you surprised someone with something special for them? How did you feel? How did they feel? This state of connection and joy that you experienced, decreases worries, anxiety, and fear. These emotions reduce and “go out the window”—at least for a while. Now imagine, feeling this way all the time. All it takes is kindness towards another being—animal, plant, or human to create this.
What is even better is that everyone wins!! It is a win-win situation.
Here are 8 Ways You Win with Kindness!
Helping others is just good business!! Everyone wins!
Now that we know how beneficial it is to help another, here are some ideas and reminders of things we can do. These are easy to do when you get caught up in a busy life. When doing these acts, remember to do it from your heart!
Here are 8 things you can do!
When you intend to benefit others, you receive so much.
“No one has ever become poor by giving.”
Anne Frank
Featured Image by Austin Kehmeier From Unsplash.com
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Posted: August 15, 2020 by Joan Spencer
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Posted: August 15, 2020 by Joan Spencer
Sources of your Limiting Beliefs
Have you ever noticed yourself avoiding certain situations, even though you really wanted to participate? Do you hold back even though your heart is longing to do something? You are not alone, many people would like to live their lives a bit differently, but something keeps holding them back. Discovering your beliefs and where they originated from can help you understand the limits that you have placed on your life.
Finding the source of your beliefs and ideas is important to fully understand just how they came about and the falsities within them. When you recognize how and where they originated, you can see that these ideas and beliefs may not be true. The way you interpreted the situation, at that time may have fit the situation, but more than likely it is no longer valid. When you know where it started you can:
If you don’t understand how it originated, then your subconscious may keep you operating from an idea that no longer serves you. Knowing what the source is, assists you in eliminating the belief. For example, if you have believed that “you are too old to start a new career,” and know that this belief comes from fear and a belief you formed when seeing a parent fail while trying to change careers, you can understand why you formed this belief and you can also see the flaw in it. Recognizing this, you can now easily say “No, that is not true!”
Beliefs and ideas that negatively influence your life are frequently formed by our experiences and our interactions with others. Let’s explore these.
Experiences are events that influence how we think and interact with different situations, people, and life. These events can be traumatic, fun, joyful, or just plain uneventful. Our beliefs about life and ourselves are often formed at these times.
For example, if you are struggling in a situation, perhaps a certain subject in school, or a game with friends, different ideas are formed about yourself and the world from these situations. Ideas such as:
These ideas can then become beliefs, that then influence your actions in life. If you think you can’t win, you might not enter any contests, or try out for something you would like. If you do enter a contest, you might pursue it with the belief that you are probably not going to win and your actions will reflect this belief. Recognizing your beliefs started with a certain situation, i.e. struggling in school or in a game, allows you to see the falseness in that idea. The idea/belief can’t be applied to every situation, however, we seem to do that quite frequently.
Another example of how experiences can influence your beliefs could be an argument that escalated to the point where you may have lost a friendship or a valued relationship. You may come away with beliefs such as
These beliefs become embedded in your subconscious, then affect your behavior and how you react. It is important to understand that the argument was specific to that time and is not a reflection of future situations. Future situations may appear the same primarily because of your expectation and belief. Our perceptions and beliefs often cloud the reality of any situation.
Now let’s look at how people can impact our beliefs. People are important, however, our relationships with them can impact you significantly in how you view yourself. Some interactions are positive and others are not. Take, for example, you are constantly told by family, friends, and/or teachers that you won’t amount to anything. You may adopt that belief that “you lack any value.” This often creates self-fulfilling prophecies. It is important to recognize that their words do not represent the truth, but only their perception based on their own limiting beliefs.
Everyone is not a scientist or a mathematician, just as not everyone is a musician or artist. Just think how boring our world would be if we were all the same. Learn to appreciate and value yourself and every person. By doing so eliminates the judgments of others and yourself, and the world becomes a nicer place.
What can you do?
These are just a few things you can do. For more information on these ideas and more see my book “Your Personal Guidance System: Unlock the Door to the Universe and Experience the Magic!”
Featured Image by Augustin Fernandez
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Posted: July 31, 2020 by Joan Spencer
Limiting Beliefs — Influence of Education: Part II
Education is a great thing for many reasons, it helps build social skills, teaches the basics of reading, and brings consistency to our communities. However, it also can create difficulties for many people. It isn’t intended to be this way, however unwittingly it does present some challenges for many people. There are three areas of concern.
First, the trouble starts, when different subjects are elevated or “de-elevated” as having more or less value. If you are lucky to have your gifts in the “elevated” subjects, life seems good. However, if your gifts lie in subjects that are “de-elevated” you may pick up some beliefs that your gifts are not valuable, and even worse that you are not valuable.
Take, for instance, your talents lie in the arts. When asked to draw a picture, yours is awe-inspiring. Or, when you’re asked to play some music, your fingers glide over an instrument creating sounds of beauty.
You have great talent; however, you are in an English class where spelling is being taught. The art of spelling just doesn’t come easy to you. If the ability to spell is viewed as being very important, yet you struggle with it, this is where limiting beliefs may develop. You start to believe there is something “wrong” with you which may lead to a belief of “I am dimwitted.” This isn’t true at all. It is only that your gifts do not lie in spelling. And if the teacher points out your inabilities you again develop other limiting beliefs about yourself, such as “I am stupid.” Does this sound familiar?
Now, let’s look at it in a different way. Ask a person whose gifts lie in spelling, to draw a picture. What you might find is that they draw stick figures very well, but that is all. Are they “dimwitted” or “stupid?” No, their gifts are just different.
It is important to recognize and value every persons’ gifts and skills. When an artist is faced with spelling, they can ask others to edit or proof something. And when the person who can spell is needing to have a visual piece, he can ask an artist to illustrate the idea. This not only creates value for each person but also enhances how a true community operates.
One of the ways we elevate subjects over others is by some of the common phrases. I’m sure you’ve heard of the starving artist, rocket scientist, bean counter, or the trash man. All of these phrases either elevate or devalue someone. This inherently creates a belief about that person. It doesn’t mean that they are true, but it can impact a person in how they feel about themselves and how they may react in life. Don’t let “common” phrases or beliefs influence you, look beyond them.
The second area of concern is when you have a different or unique idea. Have you ever had your idea ignored or even squelched while in school? When something doesn’t agree with what is being taught, it can be viewed as the person “doesn’t know what they are talking about” or even considered to be “a dumb idea.” This does not happen all the time, however, it happens more than it should.
If you are the one with the novel idea, you may feel undervalued or become disenchanted. This also can set up some limiting beliefs. It can lead you to devalue your inherent gifts and/or become disillusioned with the world. It may create beliefs such as it is “not safe to speak up,” “present new ideas” or “my ideas are bad.” This in effect can limit how you see yourself and how you interact with the world. For example, when an opportunity to bring forward an idea you have, your inner voice might say “remember what happened before, do not suggest it” or you think “no one will listen or believe me, so why should I try.”
If you find yourself thinking these or other negative thoughts, there are things you can do and they are outlined at the end of this article.
Lastly, problem-solving can be discouraged in education. “How?” you might ask. It happens when the emphasis is on memorizing and knowing facts. We become used to having the “correct” answers, encouraging you not to “make mistakes.” What happens when we get the “wrong” answers? We are penalized for it! This inadvertently creates a belief that there is only one way to do something and blocks our ability to look at a situation in a different way, hence new solutions or ideas are not encouraged or brought forward.
In having a belief such as, “it is important to have the right answer,” your inner voice cautions “you might fail if you try something different” preventing you from attempting anything new.
What can you do?
In addition to the suggestions in my previous blog article: Limiting Beliefs and the Influences of Culture: Part I the following are some other things to consider.
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. By taking one step at a time in following your heart, I’m sure you’ll find your way to happiness.
Image by: Grant Durr
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Posted: July 23, 2020 by Joan Spencer
Limiting Beliefs and the Influences of Culture: Part I
So, what are limiting beliefs?
Limiting beliefs influence how you make decisions, interpret situations, and how you interact in life.
These beliefs have been accumulated throughout our life from a variety of places. Have you ever noticed that you always seem to get the same results no matter what you do? It’s very possible that you have a belief that is sabotaging your actions.
These beliefs and what you might call foundations in which you interact with your world. For example, when you are in a new environment, you rely on the information that you have accumulated whether it is true or not. Let’s say you are invited to a social event where there will be drinking. Based on what you have been taught, you may be leery about going because alcohol will be served there, or you may be excited because it might indicate to you that you will have fun. Either reaction is based on beliefs which limit how you will interpret and perceive the event.
How you interpret your situations, make decisions, and react to different circumstances is influenced by your thoughts and ideas, that have primarily been accumulated through life’s experiences, education, and culture. These beliefs can confine and limit your understanding of your situation and are often called limiting beliefs because they:
To help understand how a limiting belief influences you and comes about, think about a dog that is “crate trained” to sleep in the crate. This method can create a sense of security for the dog. The dog may go there when feeling anxious or when it wants to sleep. After some time, the dog will not need to be told to go into the crate. The dog will automatically go in there, even though the dog is safe sleeping elsewhere. Unless shown otherwise, the dog feels most secure sleeping in a crate. A limiting belief was formed for the dog “that it is safest to sleep in a crate.”
Training is just one of the ways we can acquire limiting beliefs. Other ways we develop these limiting beliefs come from people, education, and the cultures you are raised in.
Are you aware that the beliefs you acquire from different cultures can wreak havoc in your life? They can distort your perception of the world and influence how you interpret messages that you receive from the universe. Sometimes opportunities are lost because of these beliefs.
Cultures impact us in the following ways. It is not all-inclusive but where many limiting beliefs come from:
Cultural beliefs and values are interesting as they primarily come from the people you identify with. For example, there was the “hippie” generation which focused primarily on love and peace. Today the ‘millennials” are confident and achievement-oriented. Each of these generations may influence the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs you might have. What beliefs do you have from your generation?
Another culture, which you may not consider is living in rural communities vs. city dwellers. If you are from a rural area, you may have obtained some beliefs about living in the city, and city dwellers may have beliefs about living in the country. Where were you raised? What influences or beliefs did you acquire?
I would like to share my beliefs about rural communities before I moved to one recently. In the past, I would not have even considered the move. I had beliefs that it would have limited opportunities in my career and also felt that it would have limited my life. I’m sure this came from always living in a city. With the current move, I have discovered quite the opposite to be true. My life has been enriched by the friendliness of a small community, the wildlife and the many adventures we have taken. I now see that there were many opportunities I may have missed by not living in a rural area! What about you? What beliefs do you have?
Another example of cultural influence is when we look at families. One culture may place a great emphasis on family, especially the elders, while another culture may value the young and place more importance on the individual. Neither is right or wrong, but they both influence how you think the world should operate. What is the American influence on? Individuals? Families? Group? What did your family focus on?
The above are just a few of the cultural influences that shape our beliefs and our lives.
The problem that occurs in cultures is when you feel different from the group. This can make you feel “less than” others or feel that you don’t fit in. This is where limiting beliefs can originate. For example, beliefs such as “I’m different, therefore something must be wrong”, “I’m not good enough” (otherwise I would be like the others). Cultures can also instill fear when your ideas are different from theirs. Ideas that differ must be “bad,” “wrong” or “evil.” This too can create a limiting belief.
When living within a culture, you might fit part of it, but other parts may not resonate with you. It’s these elements, that can make you feel inferior, or left out. This in turn can create some of your limiting beliefs, and adversely affect your ideas about who you are. Take a look at any of your feelings of inadequacy, and see whether those feelings are true. I’ll bet when it is looked at objectively, you’ll find that they are not true.
Some of the feelings of being different may create beliefs such as “I am flawed in some way,” “others can do it better than me” or “something is wrong with me” to name a few when our feelings of being “different” set in.
Values such as loyalty, honesty, and responsibility can become limiting beliefs when they are strictly adhered to. These may seem like very good traits to have and they are, but they can also impact you negatively.
Take, for example, loyalty. It is defined as giving firm and consistent support to someone or something. Generally speaking, loyalty is good for many reasons, but when strictly followed it can limit your actions and your thoughts.
For example, I am very loyal to people and companies. When I was employed, I had a boss who I was very supportive of and respected. My boss had asked me to support the dismissal of an employee. It did not make sense to me, yet because of my loyalty to him, I seriously considered the dismissal. I was not in favor of it, but because I trusted him more than I did myself, I agreed with it. Fortunately, the decision was postponed and we soon came to realize that it would not have been wise. This employee turned out to be one of our best employees.
To discover whether a long-term loyalty or other value, is appropriate for a situation, look to your feelings, trust yourself, and find the courage to take appropriate action.
What can you do when you discover a limiting belief? Here are a few things that can help you when you discover a limiting belief.
Featured image picture by Carlos DeToro from Unsplash.com